Autobiography

2012-02-25T02:06:00.001+08:00

There's just so much i wanna tell you.
But you're so far away.
And for each day that passes, you seem to be getting busier and busier.
I miss your hugs.
I hate being away from you.
But it's smth i chose to do even before you came.
I'm not giving my dream up for a possibility.
Mylc.

2012-02-24T02:05:00.001+08:00

If i told you i missed you,
Would you run away?

Yes.

2012-02-22T02:18:00.000+08:00

I know that in the near future i'm gonna look at what i'm feeling now and say: wtf was wrong w me?!

But right now, i want you.

- M.Nom

1 week

2012-02-19T22:26:00.001+08:00

It's been a week since i've been here!
Away from everyone and all the food i love :(
I miss my bffs.
I miss my famz.
I miss you.
The thought of being here for at least 4 more months make me wanna sigh.
Maybe i'm just bored.
I really hope someone comes to visit.
Living overseas alone is not as glorious as ppl make it to be.
But it's definitely smth i want to do.
I'm gonna make it through this. I swear.
I have yet to go crazy. Only talked to myself a few times i swear.

Switzerland!

2012-02-19T11:28:00.007+08:00

okay, this post is for aldo.

i am lazy to make any other account and i think the quality here would be better than on fb.

enjoy!

2012-02-14T01:22:00.001+08:00

This is my new home.

Empty.
Where is my drumset? Guitar? Blanket? The cat?

New life.

Goodbye

2012-02-11T03:58:00.001+08:00

Just because i dont say it, doesnt mean that i dont mean it.
Your eyes tell more than your mouth.
I hear more than you speak.
In my head are all these thoughts, so damn unnecessary.
One by one they make me doubt.
What's fact, which is fiction?
Who are you and what am i?
And the thoughts just go on and on, endless.

What's what?
I dont know anymore.

2012-02-10T01:26:00.001+08:00

So how does this work exactly?
I leave, you change.
I change.
And we'll never be the same again.
You just remind me of everything that could've happened but didnt.
You just remind me of the shit i truly am.

2012-02-08T05:57:00.000+08:00

Dont tell me to love myself more
Not when i know you dont love me one bit.
Stop acting like you care
It just makes it that much harder.

- M.Nom

2012-02-06T05:09:00.001+08:00

Pain is temporary
Pain is in your head
I know that by the end of the week you'll be out of my life.
So until then, let me pretend,
Pretend i'm alright with this.
Like it doesnt matter.
As if you actually care.
Please dont stop me
Or remind me that this is temporary and unreal.
Please, just let me be happy for awhile more.
I promise i wont ask for more than you're willing to do.

I'd fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like these it seems are slowly fading
They disappear as reality is crashing through the floor.

2012-02-05T03:10:00.001+08:00

Is it really possible?
Less than a week left.
I dont believe you when you say that you dont feel a thing.
But i have to.
For your sake.
For my sake.
I have to convince myself.
Because you're not very good at it.
I'll pretend.
Just for the both of us.

2012-02-02T05:35:00.000+08:00

Dont ask me to forget you.
Just let me remember you the way i want to.
I miss you already.

- M.Nom

Dear 16272

2012-01-26T05:43:00.001+08:00

But what could i do or say to ease the pain?
I thought i'd be the one feeling sorry.
But it turns out i'm the one that's left behind, not you.
Can we go back to 2011?
Things were so much better then,
A different year, a different life.
You want me to start life afresh with so little of the old me in it.
I thought you'd be there for me to count on.
But it's not fair to expect from you since you never promised anything.
I feel like i'm 15 again.
Didnt i learn anything?
How bout dont believe what guys tell you?
How about all the things i promised myself?
I broke them for you.
But all you broke was my heart.
You confuse me with all you say and do.
What is it that you want from me?
I really dont understand.
What did i do wrong?
Why are you even talking to me?
I dont understand at all.
You gave me a false sense if security.
I hate you.
But i like you more.
I dont need you.
But i miss you more.
Not the you now.
The you from 2011.

What can anyone ever say or do
To make me feel any better?

2012-01-25T01:30:00.002+08:00

It's 2012.

time passes so quickly really,

it feels like just yesterday i was in anderson primary, secondary, JC.

so much has changed.

and yet so little has.

i remember the days when i swore i'd never wear a skirt.

that changed.

you'd think such a thing is minor.

but it really shows,

the way your thinking changes.

i'm at a crossroads.

left or right, i'm not too sure.

i'm just gonna pick a path and hope for the best.

watch me leave,

watch me grow.

i'm not gonna be held back.

i promised myself this much.

never let anyone get in the way of your dreams, no matter how big or small, stupid and pointless it is, a dream is a dream. i will fulfill it.

i still believe in stupid things like love at first sight.

as i looked through all the photos we took,

i thought about all the times we shared.

how could we mean so much to each other one moment,

and mean close to nothing the next?

how could we have talked so much everyday

and then go silent in an instant.

people are so funny,

hearts are so funny.

why do we feel?

why do our feelings ever change?

is it because our thinking changes?

but aren't hearts and minds different?

i wanted to write you a letter,

a letter that would make saying goodbye a little easier for both of us.

but as it turns out, you don't really need help with that.

story of my life.

but that's better anyway.

because if i did write a letter, it would've probably looked like that:

Dear _____

Thank you

Misato

how pathetic.

i wish i could write you a song instead.

i wish i could write each person i love a song.

leave it up to them to interpret it.

unfortunately, i am not that talented.

so all i have left to say is,

thank you,

hope we meet again,

and i hope by then,

i'd be singing a new song.

one that doesn't remind me of you.

2012-01-23T03:20:00.000+08:00

Dear almost lover

Every evening as i stand in the kitchen
I hope that whatever i cook makes you wanna come back for more. And even if it didnt, you'd eat it all up and come back for more.

Everynight as i lay in bed
I wish you'd kiss me goodnight, hug me to sleep and tell me everything's gonna be alright.

Every morning when i wake up
I wonder if you ever miss me like i do.

Every afternoon as i go about daily life and routine
I think of you and what it is you're up to, if you're feeling alright or the day is exhausting you.

And the thoughts just go on.

Dear almost lover

I wish you existed,
Not just in my heart,
But in real life.

But till then, i'll just imagine you to be tall, dark and geeky cute.

And if i really do meet you i'd say,
Hi, i'm M.Nom.
Nice to finally meet you.

- M.Nom

2012-01-19T05:05:00.000+08:00

You make it harder to forget each time we meet.
It's time to start letting go.
I can see it in your eyes,
Hear it in your voice,
Feel it in your touch.
That you'd rather be alone.

- M.Nom

2012-01-15T04:57:00.000+08:00

Why now?
Of all times,
When i'm leaving.
You make it so hard to leave.
My heart feels heavy.
I wish i could take everyone i love w me.
And all the food i love as well.
Goodbyes are always so hard.
Maybe that's why i never say it.

- M.Nom

2012-01-09T07:42:00.001+08:00

If i got a dollar for every time i thought abt you,
I'd be a billionaire by now.
I'm tired of being me.
Can i be someone else for a day?
Someone who doesnt think.
Who has no mouth.
Someone who's happy with who they are.
How abt someone who cant feel?
Feelings are so unnecessary.
They control you.
I dont want think abt ytd,
Nor do i want to think about tmr.
But my mind keeps gg back and forth.
I wonder if i'm ever actually living in the present.
Or just some space between the past and the future.
I wish i could fit all the things i love in a huge small pocket
And take it w me wherever i go.
Then i'd always have you w me.

- M.Nom

2012-01-05T08:23:00.001+08:00

I thought abt all the things i'd say to you when i leave.
But i cant come up w any.
What could i possibly say to make either of us feel better?
Thank you and i wish you the best of luck?
It's getting harder and harder for me.
But i really wonder,
Does it even affect you at all?
Do you even care?
This is driving me crazy.
All the things i told myself to do and not do,
They dont seem to matter anymore.

My heart's taken over.

- M.Nom

2012-01-04T09:36:00.001+08:00

Time to open your eyes
And close your heart.
You've been seeing a disney version of reality.
Foolish to have thought, that for a moment in time, something coming out of nothing could be possible.
Foolish of me to have thought i'd have a chance.
It shows.
I show.
I have no control.
And that scares me.
I know the ending.
And that scares me.
I know your intentions.
And that scares me.
I'm in too deep.
That scares me.
There's no going back.
I'll never be the same.
I havent been.
And will not be once you leave.
Or rather, i leave.
Maybe you'll get sick of me.
You work in such strange ways,
I can never read you.
Or maybe i've been distracted.
I'm not sure.
But soon it'll all be over.
Every. Single. Thing.
I'll be nothing again.
Just another face of another person. Nothing more.

- M.Nom

2012-01-02T08:05:00.000+08:00

You asked me why i'm sad.
Even though you're miles away.
How is it that you can read my face so easily through the small computer screen?
I'm home sick.
I'm _____ sick.
I kinda wanna go home.
Tired of adventures.
I wanna come home to you.

- M.Nom

2012-01-01T00:43:00.002+08:00

right in the middle of all the snowcapped mountains,

right in front of the beautiful ancient cathedral,

right behind the huge lake with a lot of cute ducks.

in between this and that and everything else,

all i could wish for was you to be there with me, witnessing everything.

2011 was everything i hoped for and maybe more in some way, less in another.

lost some friends,

made new friends.

gained so much experience in so many things.

i couldn't have asked for more.

i have accomplished at least 80% of my to-do list before i turn 20.

and i have 3 months left for that 20%.

well even if i didn't complete it, i'm pretty satisfied.

people told me, why do you wanna waste your time and not go straight to uni?

i was unsure myself.

but after this year, i'm pretty sure it was a year well spent.

you won't understand till you've tried it.

i'm ready.

and even if i'm not, i have to be.

i'm leaving everything and everyone behind.

i really wonder how i'm gonna make it through 3 years without my BFFS.

specially Kanika.

dude, you're fucking awesome and i'm so proud of you.

to 7 yrs of friendship and counting.

happy new year everyone!

Even if i dont.

2011-12-29T15:08:00.001+08:00

I miss you.
But it's not that simple.
I have my life and you have yours to live.
Right now, we're at the same point.
But soon everything will change.
We'll want different things.
We'll be in different places.
That doesnt mean i cant enjoy your company for now right?
In my dreams you'd be mine.
In my dreams, you'd have me in your arms.
And that'll be enough.
But right now i'm awake.
Wide awake.

- M.Nom

2011-12-07T03:20:00.001+08:00

I'm doing it again.
Getting ahead of myself.
You know you shouldnt but you just cant help it.
Why.

- M.Nom

2011-12-06T17:36:00.001+08:00

Packing packing packing.
What to bring?
Sigh..

- M.Nom

The end and the beginning

2011-11-30T03:02:00.000+08:00

There hardly ever is a reason for beginnings.
Most of the time it's just a beautiful feeling, like magic.
But when the magic runs out, it just all turns around.
And suddenly there're millions of reasons to end things.
And when things end, other things follow.
Till soon you'll feel like there's this vacuum created by that something made out of nothing.

Why do things begin really?
And when things end, is it because we forget how it started in the first place, or because we just realise too many things that are wrong about it?

When i agreed to begin things, i never thought so many things would end with it.

But thanks for the ride anw.

- M.Nom

2011-11-09T14:33:00.001+08:00

When the past comes to haunt you, you wonder why it is that horrific memories remain so vivid while beautiful ones are just cloudy.
I wish i didnt do those things.
But i did.
I wish i could forget,
But i really cant.
It's only later that you truly understand the term 'consequences'.
Why am i feeling this when you're the one who did wrong?
It just doesnt make sense.
Give me back what's mine.

- M.Nom

Happiness

2011-11-03T14:46:00.001+08:00

I just read a book about happiness.
And i thought about how happy i am.
And here's my conclusion:

I dont have the most things, but i have enough.
I dont have the most friends, but i have the best.
I have my flaws.
But i am a fucking lucky girl.
And a fucking happy girl.
I just wish that the people around me can see what i see.
That if life were perfect, well it wont be interesting.
How would you know happiness if you're never sad?
It's not necessary to be happy or act happy 24/7.
But when you are, embrace it.

I truly am a happyxiaomei92.
it's time to spread the love ya'll.

- M.Nom

2011-10-31T09:21:00.001+08:00

But if i get used to you, does that mean it'll be harder for me when i leave?
How can i enjoy myself knowing that it'll cause me more pain later on?
Why do these things happen at times like these?
But i cant keep thinking abt next time.
Just enjoy the ride for now, wherever it takes me.
Right?

- M.Nom

2011-10-19T17:01:00.001+08:00

I. Need. To. Be. Alone.
Stop. Asking. Me. All. These. Things.

Dear world,

_|_ off.

Sincerely,
- M.Nom

2011-10-18T03:19:00.001+08:00

My heart is an empty room.
I can hear your knock on the door, echo off the walls.
I'm peeping through the peephole.
But right now i'm not too sure if i should let you in.
The previous visitor left a huge mess for me to clean.
So bad that i had to get rid of everything.
The only thing that remains here, is a pile of guilt.

- M.Nom

2011-10-08T01:40:00.002+08:00

i don't know if this is what i really want.

i don't hate it, i don't mind it.

i think i kinda like it.

but i'm not sure if i love it.

i miss you.

like crazy.

and i'm not even gone yet.

i can't imagine what i'd be doing there, away from everyone,

away from you.

you're a routine i can't miss.

but i can't be selfish.

i can't ask so much from you.

when i have so little to offer.

you've given me so much more than you realise.

you've saved me countless times,

and all i can tell you would be

i'll miss you, thank you for the past years.

and then hope that you'd feel the same way too.

it hurts, just thinking about it.

what's gonna happen when the time really comes?

2011-10-02T02:49:00.001+08:00

Because we know deep down, we love each other.
Just not in that way.
Happy birthday to the best teacher in the world.
I would've been so so lost without you.

- M.Nom

2011-10-01T00:20:00.001+08:00

What's going on?!
It cant all happen at the same time!
Where was it when i was super free? Like srsly...

- M.Nom

2011-09-30T00:56:00.001+08:00

Is it still happiness when you know at the back of your head that it's gonna be short-lived?
Is it possible to fully appreciate the moment when you know your expiry date?
I like the way things are.
But i don't want it to stop me from my future.

- M.Nom

2011-09-29T00:36:00.001+08:00

Don't fall,
It'll only hurt.
But when you do get up again, you'd be that much stronger.
You know what?
Lets fall.
Just plunge right in.
I wanna be so much stronger.

- M.Nom

2011-09-24T23:55:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wonder,

if people are born to belong somewhere

or are we supposed to drift from place to place, people to people?

a big part of me can't wait to go to australia, start a new adventure and forget all those things that i want to.

but a part of me wants to stay. what do i do without my friends and family?

is it really possible to up and leave, forget everything, start a new life. just like that?

would it be harder for me or harder for the people around me?

after all, everything'll be changing for me.

but i'm just a small part of their lives.

will i be forgotten?

turn into some memory, just some vague crazy person in the background of their lives?

is this really what i want?

to constantly move?

right now, i really don't know.

i need a break,

from my break.

2011-09-22T00:45:00.001+08:00

I'm afraid to hurt.
No, not me, you.
Because i would never wish that feeling upon someone else.
Runaway while you can.

- M.Nom

2011-09-18T02:17:00.002+08:00

there're so many things i wanna tell you.

but it all seems so inappropriate.

like, who are you to know my secrets?

who am i to unload on you?

when everything falls apart,

will you be there to fix it?

Just as you take my hand
Just as you write my number down
Just as the drinks arrive
Just as they play your favourite song
As your bad day disappears
No longer wound up like a spring
Before you've had too much
Come back in focus again

The walls abandon shape
They've got a Cheshire cat grin
All blurring into one
This place is on a mission
Before the night owl
Before the animal noises
Closed circuit cameras
Before you're comatose

Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
The beat goes round and round
The beat goes round and round
I never really got there
I just pretended that I had
What's the point of instruments
Words are a sawed off shotgun

Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out

Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
Just as you take the mic
Just as you dance, dance, dance

Jigsaw falling into place
There is nothing to explain
Regard each other as you pass
She looks back, you look back
Not just once
Not just twice
Wish away the nightmare
Wish away the nightmare
You've got a light you can feel it on your back
A light you can feel it on your back
Jigsaw falling into place

2011-09-15T23:31:00.001+08:00

Would you still choose me, if you knew how fucked up i am?

I'm standing in the background of your lifestory.
At least i was given a space.
Is what i tell myself everyday.

- M.Nom

Dream Come True.

2011-09-05T02:14:00.004+08:00

i used to think that performing on a huge-ass stage with strangers watching you,

would just be a dream,

that would never ever ever come true.

but it did.

i could not have asked for a better opportunity.

i am soo fucking thankful to like, everyone.

those who've supported me, encouraged me, coached me, not just tonight.

but for the past 5 years.

because without them,

i could've easily given up.

a big thank you to Arisa, without you, none of this would have been possible.

my parents, thanks for the many years of paying for my lessons.

i appreciate every penny spent.

all the little performances that i've had,

i am just so lucky, so thankful, and i feel like the fucking luckiest person alive right now.

even if i can't continue music for whatever reasons,

i will at least have lived the dream once.

special thanks to everyone who came down today.

you don't know how much this meant to me.

i am tooo fucking happy right now.

i could almost float away~

2011-09-04T01:58:00.001+08:00

fill my hollow heart.

fill it to the brim.

i don't care what you fill it with,

dark chocolate, ice cream, cheese, nutella,

just don't fill it with love.

cos that runs out faster than anything else.

2011-09-03T04:07:00.001+08:00

I know that whatever it is i'm doing, is wrong.
But seeing how unaffected you are annoys me.
So i'm just gonna go on w it.
Not like i've got anything to lose anw.
Maybe we'll both realise smth.
And maybe you wont have anything to even realise at all.
Whatever.

- M.Nom

2011-09-01T02:45:00.001+08:00

You know what?
I DO feel better!
Okay well physically, no, not even close.
But emotionally, i'm feeling much better.
I love andersonians like they always always lift my mood up and my entire day just feels better.
It's like there's andersonian magic or smth. <3
well i still have lots of problems but i'm gonna get to solving them one at a time.
First thing's first.
No more fat misato.
I'm gg back to 10kgs ago!
Lets get moving!

- M.Nom

2011-08-31T01:03:00.001+08:00

Oh god, things have got to start getting better.
My heart's broke,
So's my body.
Confidence level lower than usual,
Mood to do anything at all:none
$: barely enough.
Fats: still there
Scares/pimples: still there.
Bf: non-existent.
Diet: making me moody.
Boss: just made strawberry cheesecake flv when i'm on diet.
Fuck this entire week man.
Just fuck the hell out of it.

- M.Nom

2011-08-28T23:28:00.002+08:00

the sound of the rain,

reminds me of back when we were kids.

everything used to be so simple.

so what happened?

why can't i just be materialistic?

that way, it would be so easy to satisfy me.

but i want so much more than just things.

i dreamt of you last night.

i've been expecting it for sometime.

and for the first time,

i heard your answer.

but it was just my desired answer.

it's been so very long.

i've changed and you probably have as well.

at the very least i know,

you do remember me.

and i'm not just some random girl who's shared a moment in time with you.

whether or not i've left an impression as big as the one you left on me,

i'll never know.

but if we ever do meet again, not just in my dreams,

i hope we'd actually say goodbye.

2011-08-28T00:17:00.002+08:00

i can see just how much i mean to you.

and here i thought, of all the people, you'd be the one to notice.

but you're just like everybody else.

or more like,

i'm just like everybody else to you.

since that's the case,

stop confusing me.

stop giving mixed signals.

i already have a hard time trying not to think.

and i don't need you to constantly interrupt my strain of thoughts.

you know what i want??

i want to not want you in my life.

That way it won't hurt so much,

when we say goodbye.

2011-08-26T00:23:00.001+08:00

Hit me,
Again and again.
Physical pain i can take.
Emotional pain is just something else altogether.
So just hit me,
Instead of smiling at me while holding her hand.
Hit me hard enough to wake me from this beautiful nightmare.

- M.Nom

2011-08-24T01:24:00.001+08:00

Liberate me.
I'm not looking, i'm waiting.
It's been long enough.
No more waiting on things you just know wont happen.

- M.Nom

2011-08-22T01:42:00.001+08:00

It's not final till you say it.
I'm still holding onto your goodbye.

- M.Nom

2011-08-21T02:39:00.001+08:00

I need some purpose in life.
Seriously getting tired of all the fucking routines. (including pms)
All except 1.

- M.Nom

2011-08-20T02:51:00.001+08:00

A week and i'm feeling mildly depressed.
What happens when i leave?
You're not coming with me.
That much i know.

- M.Nom

2011-08-19T00:50:00.001+08:00

I have to constantly remind myself.
To not get too close to you.
But how's that possible?
The voice in my head turns into a whisper as you come closer.
Until it sounds encouraging even.
Like it's playing with me.
And then she walks in to join that voice.
They yell at me.
I wake up and you're gone.

What's new?

- M.Nom

2011-08-18T01:58:00.001+08:00

I miss you.
Like you were mine.

- M.Nom

2011-08-17T01:39:00.001+08:00

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
You sit at home all day, watching tv and claiming to do things.
Yeah, you do the laundry. But that's about it.
How is it that you can go on living like there's nth wrong?
How could you bear to watch your wife suffer while you sit at home and wait for dinner?
Why is it that you dont want yo try harder?
I can't understand your logic.
If you're not qualified, then get yourself qualified.
If you're too old, just settle for less.
You think 2k/month is little?
What abt ppl who make 800 with 10 mouths to feed?
Cos right now, i admire them more than i admire you.
I want all the guys reading this to understand. Girls as well.
The moment you get a woman pregnant, it is both of your responsibilities to provide for the child and set a gd example for them as much as possible.
Having a child is a lifelong commitment.
It's not a 'you were so cute till you were 5' kinda thing.
If you cant handle it, then dont have any.
If you're making 800/month, i wont mind.
I'll settle for less.
But i know you're capable of more than that.
So why do you give up on yourself while everyone is depending on you?
Behaving exactly like the children in my classes, seeking attention all day long.
Even they are better cos at least they try. What abt you?
Seriously.
Dont come and tell me what scholarship.
You think i dont want free money?
Who doesnt?
And dont tell me i didnt study.
You werent even there to witness me trying.
So just stfu and get a fucking job alr.

- M.Nom

2011-08-16T00:59:00.001+08:00

Like you'll never see me again.

- M.Nom

2011-08-13T01:22:00.001+08:00

I have a billion things i wanna tell you.
But i cant.
Cos then i'd be crossing the line and you'd just freak out.

- M.Nom

2011-08-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

I'm drowning in your fears.
I'm prepared to give it all.
But why would you when you've already got everything you need?

- M.Nom

2011-08-10T02:01:00.001+08:00

You make it that much harder for me to not like you.
I wish i didnt too.
So dont tell me things to make it worse.
Some things are just not fated.
So i'll just go on like i dont feel a thing.
And you can go on pretending to not know.
Perfect.
Just perfect.

- M.Nom

2011-08-08T02:52:00.001+08:00

I miss you.
Yeah, i know,
I just met you.
But i want you for myself.
Or at least the biggest part.

- M.Nom

2011-08-07T02:34:00.002+08:00

don't tease me

my heart's about to give in.

i see you smile

holding someone else's hand.

oh how i wish you'd hold mine and smile like that.

but all i am in your life,

is just someone in the background.

there to fill the space,

never important.

i know that you know,

so why go on?

why continue to torture me like that?

what am i to you exactly?

i'd like to know.

for once, i want to be somebody's first choice.

not the last.

who am i really?

some stupid girl who's just desperately looking for love

as if it's something to be found.

as if it even exists.

save your breath,

i don't stand a chance.

that much i know.

2011-08-03T01:04:00.001+08:00

I'm starting to feel like my existence is just unnecessary.
No, i wont kill myself.
I'm just looking for a bigger purpose in life.
I wanna be something for someone, be it a person, a penguin or a tree.
Use me, i need to be exploited.

- M.Nom

2011-08-01T01:37:00.001+08:00

I want to find puppy love.
The one that makes you think stupid things.
The kind that fills your mind and heart up to the brim, leaving you breathless.
One where you dont have to worry about stability and responsibility.
One that's not about status, money, looks, or anything physically measurable.
Something out of a disney movie, filled with magic.
Sweet yet salty.
Come on,
I'm looking for that adrenaline rush.
Sweaty palms, butterflies in tummies, heart pumping at the speed of light.
the corny pop songs.
I wanna experience it all.

A love that i'll remember forever.
And be able to smile about when it all ends.

- M.Nom

2011-07-29T00:25:00.001+08:00

I thought i prepared all these things that i wanted to say to you.
But in the end when you're there, right in front of me,
Nothing comes to my head but to run away and hide.
I'm still waiting for the day that i'll believe again.

- M.Nom

2011-07-28T16:37:00.000+08:00

I thought if i just avoided things,
I could live life with no pain.
But the absence of any emotion at all
Gives rise to a feeling worse than sadness.
The blankness in me is begging for something, anything, pain even.

I dare you to move.

- M.Nom

2011-07-28T00:51:00.001+08:00

I'm exhausted.
Emotionally.
Materialistically.
I need money so that i can go for retail therapy.
Like, seriously.

- M.Nom

2011-07-25T01:19:00.001+08:00

Personally, i didnt like amy winehse that much.
But all that talent, wasted on booze and drugs.
Rest in peace,
I cant imagine myself dying in 8 yrs.
I cant imagine myself dying. Ever.
But it's bound to happen.
And when it does, i hope i'll be smiling, and you'll be there, smiling too.

- M.Nom

2011-07-24T00:34:00.001+08:00

I'm not the kind of person who splurges on materialistic things or wants a lot of money and is brand conscious.
But this is too much.
You've crossed the line.
I'm out.

- M.Nom

2011-07-23T01:12:00.001+08:00

Because when it all turns south, i'll have no say.
Because when someone better comes along, it's expected that i back away.
Because, in the end the feelings are just insincere.
Because i can never live with the guilt that comes along with it.
Because It's not happiness when you steal it from someone else.

I'll never settle.
Or so i say.

- M.Nom

2011-07-22T01:36:00.001+08:00

If i'm gonna be your last resort, i'd rather be nothing at all.
I am not some booty call.

- M.Nom

2011-07-20T01:02:00.001+08:00

yknow what?

i won't even ask for much anymore.

I just wanna be okay,

knowing that there's a high chance that i'm gonna grow old and die alone.

lets just hope that i won't be alone in being alone ;)

2011-07-19T02:14:00.001+08:00

In the end, they're all the same.
So sick of this shit.
Why cant i be normal?
Why?
Gotta stop saying that extra thing.
Just got to.

- M.Nom

Blue train

2011-07-18T01:07:00.001+08:00

Get on board,
Lets all go to neverland.

- M.Nom

2011-07-16T15:54:00.001+08:00

The sound of the rain.
Reminds me so much of the days
That i felt much less alone.
I thought i'd be satisfied when i got the answers.
But it's not enough.
I still have to find you.
Just do.

- M.Nom

2011-07-14T00:05:00.001+08:00

My heart's a canvas.
Waiting for someone to fill it with colour, life, emotion.
It's so empty now, i can hear the echoes of my own thoughts.
In life, we dont always get what we want.
Even with the power of hardwork, or money, or faith.
But i've learnt to accept plan B.
And maybe i'll discover smth that i otherwise wouldnt have.
Sometimes, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.
We just gotta keep on walking.

But who's afraid of the dark when i've got such great company?

P.S. I love everyone in my life.

- M.Nom

2011-07-11T01:09:00.001+08:00

Why am i your best friend?
Because, you're the only one whom i'll bother about and who'll bother about me even after a long time of not meeting.

I really hope that this friendship lasts our entire lives.
Because even though i always call you a douche, i know that you've always got my back.
And i've got yours.

Besides, who else knows me this well even after not meeting for like, forever?

- M.Nom

2011-07-08T00:57:00.001+08:00

I'd like to stop feeling guilty
And useless
And ugly.
Both inside and out.
I cant just wish it.
Gotta start acting on it.
I cant change the past
So just shut up and move on.
Stop being such a whiny bitch misato,
You're getting on my fucking nerves.

- M.Nom

2011-07-07T16:26:00.001+08:00

Speechless,
What am i supposed to reply to such a statement?
For once i wish it were a lie,
Just like every other time.
But without looking at you, how can i tell?
I really cant.

- M.Nom

2011-07-07T02:24:00.001+08:00

I dont want to be the one that ruins everything for everyone.
Just give me a min.
I'll walk away, i promise.
It was a matter of time anw.
Soon it'll all be over,
You, me, and whatever this is.

- M.Nom

2011-07-06T01:59:00.000+08:00

Knowing what you are,
Knowing what you'll do,
Knowing the end,
I'd still choose this self destructive past.
Because that minute of happiness,
Is worth an internity of pain.
That's me.

- M.Nom

2011-07-05T23:20:00.002+08:00

思い違いは空のかなた
さよならだけの人生か
ほんの少しの未来は見えたのに
さよならなんだ

昔住んでた小さな部屋は今は誰かが住んでんだ
君に言われたひどい言葉も
無駄な気がした毎日も

あの日こうしていれば
あの日に戻れれば
あの頃の僕にはもう戻れないよ

たとえばゆるい幸せがだらっと続いたとする
きっと悪い種が芽を出して
もうさよならんだ

寒い冬の冷えた缶コーヒー虹色の長いマフラー
小走りで路地裏を抜けて思い出してみる

たとえばゆるい幸せがだらっと続いたとする
きっと悪い種が芽を出して
もうさよならなんだ

さよならそれもいいさ
どこかで元気でやれよ
さよなら僕もどーにかやるさ
さよならそうするよ

if i could have it my way,

you'd have been mine instead.

if i could have it my way,

you'd want me instead of me wanting you.

if i could have it my way,

i'd actually not want anything at all.

because it feels good, until i think about how impossible some things are.

2011-07-05T03:57:00.001+08:00

I've lost track of time.
Dates have no meaning anymore.
Is it really alright to enjoy so much?
This mostly play, free and easy life is scary.
I loved school.
But now i feel liberated.
Like noone can say no to me.
How i wish that this could last forever.
But we all know, nothing gd lasts forever.

- M.Nom

Happy

2011-07-03T03:17:00.001+08:00

I feel like i'm home.
I'm happy as i am.
Even with smth missing in my life,
I know that i'm a very blessed girl.
With friends and family like mine, what more could i possibly ask for?
I love you guys.

- M.Nom

2011-07-02T02:32:00.002+08:00

i can't tell anymore.

truths and lies,

for convenience's sake?

if you think i'm ugly, just say it.

if you think i'm fat, just say it.

don't try to cover up by saying 'just kidding.'

it makes you look less mean even though it has the same effect on me.

it's just degrading.

don't try to redeem yourself after throwing insults.

i'm no saint either,

i constantly hurt people without even realising it.

but if i do, and i realise that i did, i'd sincerely apologize.

instead of making some stupid story up.

i don't know who or what to believe anymore.

everyone's just making up stupid stories to make their own lives easier.

what happened to honesty?

2011-07-01T01:48:00.003+08:00

hi, i'm suffering from japan fair withdrawal syndrome.

but then again,

i enjoyed waking up really late and being able to practice my piano.

suddenly getting into guitar as well..

so much things i wanna learn, so little time and money!!

gahhhh.

seriously don't understand how people can choose to stay home, depend on their parents and not bother to pick up any hobbies.

i mean, maybe that's what they like. but it's definitely not me.

i wanna go scuba diving,

wanna go discover europe,

wanna try living on my own in japan,

wanna experience teenage love,

wanna swim with dolphins, waddle along with penguins,

i wanna sing in front of an audience,

i wanna live my life, knowing that i've ticked all the things on my to-do list.

come on, what's next?

i'm up for anything.

even getting my heart broken.

2011-06-30T13:20:00.001+08:00

I've run out of words.
I cant help but to feel like everything i'm doing or feeling is just wrong.
There's smth missing in my life and no, i'm not talking abt guys.
I just know i have this one thing that i have to do before i start studying. But i'm not sure what.
I hope i find it soon.
Cos i'm running out of time.

Iwishihadmoreconfidenceinmyself.
Sometimes, i know that physically and mentally it's within my capabilities.
But psychologically, it's just not possible.
So what's holding you back misato?

- M.Nom

2011-06-29T11:47:00.001+08:00

I'm not supposed to.
But i kinda miss you too.

- M.Nom

2011-06-29T01:46:00.001+08:00

wrong,

all the wrong things.

stop it.

2011-06-28T02:51:00.001+08:00

Dont leave me here,
Everyone else moving forward.

- M.Nom

2011-06-26T03:05:00.001+08:00

Tmr'll be the last day working at the japan fair.
Kinda feel relieved, but then again kinda feel sad.
It's always like that when you work at fairs :/
Well, i'm sure we'll be able to meet again someday.

- M.Nom

2011-06-25T01:16:00.001+08:00

I'm looking for you in the sea of people.
But you never show.
Cos you dont exist.

You're someone else altogether.

- M.Nom

Overwhelmed.

2011-06-23T02:41:00.001+08:00

So many things going on at once,
I'm hopping around jobs and honestly, it's quite exhausting...
Wish that i could just lie on the beach and forget everything for a while,
Like, money.
I dont even have time to gym :/
I'm turning workaholic..
But how can ppl stand not doing anything for that long? I know i cant.

- M.Nom

2011-06-19T02:27:00.001+08:00

What if.
I could turn back time?
Would i pick the same path that i've picked?
Knowing the end doesntnnecessarily change your mind.
There's still that chance that things would've been even worse.
So it's time, time for me to stop rewinding.

- M.Nom

2011-06-18T02:21:00.000+08:00

I give up.
As much as i'd like to believe in love, i've come to realise
That i'm like a child on christmas eve, waiting anxiously for santa clause to come down my chimney.
I know, christmas eve is my favourite day of the year.
But i can't keep living that one day for the entire year.
It's just not right.
Tmr will be a different day.
I swear.

- M.Nom

2011-06-17T01:24:00.001+08:00

What do you want from me?
Stop making things so complicated.
I know perfectly well where i stand in your life.
So stop telling me half truths.
Stop being nice, please.
Just let me be.

You'reputonreplay.
Howmigonnagetoveryou?

- M.Nom

2011-06-16T02:30:00.001+08:00

It's been so long,
Too long.
And yet, you're still the one visiting me in my dreams.
How're you?
Why cant you let me go already?
Stop holding me back.
Don't you know i can't move on like this?
Don't you know?
It's always been you.
Will always be.

- M.Nom

2011-06-15T03:25:00.001+08:00

Dont you know what you do to me?
The things that you say,
You make me feel things that i'm not supposed to feel.
Dont say it if you dont mean it.
Cos i'll believe it.
Knowing that it's a lie.
That's how fucked up i am.
So please, stop it.

- M.Nom

2011-06-14T02:57:00.002+08:00

the things that i so want to remember,

they're slowly fading away.

the things that i don't want to,

they become vivid.

it haunts me.

the past'll soon eat me up.

i know.

i just hope that when it does,

you won't be there to witness it.

but of course you wouldn't.

what a relief.

slip into an endless sleep.

waking up means leaving you.

my little heart can't take so much ups and downs.

you ca n't expect me to be just alright forever.

you just can't.

2011-06-13T04:50:00.002+08:00

what am i to you?

do people really say what they feel

or do they just say what's convenient?

who am i?

i really feel like a weirdo sometimes.

like, someone from a different planet.

when people from different backgrounds start mixing,

the 'norm' doesn't seem so normal anymore.

so where does that leave me?

hanging.

2011-06-12T03:03:00.001+08:00

I just want to see you.
Happy, even if it's with someone else.
Even if i'm not in your life.
Just promise me,
That you'll never forget me.
And remember the difference that i've made in your life.
No matter how small.

- M.Nom